So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
