just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
