i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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