its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
