Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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