i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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