dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
