You smell like a Billy Joel song
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
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