alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
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