I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
