I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
