he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
two words...techno handjob
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
