my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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