It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
