The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
