He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
