its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
