i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
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