the new term for farting is butt boxing.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
