My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
