I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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