ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
