if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
