i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
