apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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