Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i love accidental penises.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
