We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
