Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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