oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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