He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
