So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
