my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
