just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
