RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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