you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he puts the penis in happiness.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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