I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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