I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
