my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
