For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
