Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
