so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
