What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
