Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
