He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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