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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
