I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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