Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
