He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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