When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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