Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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