I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
