PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
